Holiday stressors: Three things people struggle with and how to deal

On the surface, the holidays conjure up warm and cozy images: twinkling lights, hot cocoa, spending time with friends and family, Christmas music streaming out of the stereo, cold nights spent curled up next to a hot fire. But for many, what is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year is stressful. Or lonely. The opposite of merry and bright. 

According to a survey by the American Psychological Association, 38% of people said their anxiety levels increase over the holidays. In short, people are out there struggling. You may be one of them — and there's no shame in that. That's the first thing you should know. The second? You aren't alone. 

We asked experts in the wellness world to share with us some of the questions and issues people struggle with most around the holidays, and yet don't ask each other. Depending on how you feel right now, their answers may surprise you or they may resonate with you. 

Regardless, they should remind you that it's OK to not feel OK sometimes — and that it's also OK (and advisable) to reach out. The odds are good that the person you're reaching out to has felt the same way at some point. 

Is this the person I want to be with? 

There's no denying this is an uncomfortable question to come to terms with, and it gets more complex the longer you've been with someone. But according to marriage and family therapist Kathryn Gates, it's the kind of personal reckoning people tend to have over the holidays. 

"With New Year's right around the corner — where we look more analytically at our choices and our life direction — and all the family holiday functions this time of year, it is pretty common for unpartnered people to wish they were in a relationship and partnered people to question whether they are with the right person," Gates said. 

More: Divorce month? January likely to see spike in divorce filings as holidays end

This internal struggle tends to become heightened with the holidays' inherent chaos.

"When stress is heightened, people can feel like their partners' true colors shine through… which may or may not be pretty," she explained. "This time of year, that seems to matter more than ever because memories are being made, and it's Christmas! So, people should be at their best is the implication." 

How can I be grateful when there is so much sadness in the world?

There's no denying there's a lot going on in the world right now, and some days feel much darker than others. It can make mustering up the holiday spirit seem somehow inappropriate. Still, psychotherapist and mental health coach Christine Smith of Talk With Christine says it's important to remember that your joy and the issues of the world at large are not mutually exclusive.

"There are some very sad things that happen in the world today, but your happiness shouldn’t be based on anyone else," she shared. "It can take little to no effort to be grateful for something. Research shows that expressing gratitude strengthens resiliency. Not to mention, gratitude is contagious."

What if I have to spend the holidays alone?

Loneliness tends to be a major issue over the holidays, a time when togetherness is plastered all over everything from billboards to magazine covers. Not surprisingly then, Smith says this is a common question people struggle with this time of year. Her advice? If you don't want to spend the holidays alone, try to be proactive in seeking out alternative opportunities. You can find activity groups and nonprofits that plan events open to the public. 

Another option? Asking family, friends, or even co-workers if you can join them. The prospect may be intimidating, but the payoff is big.

"As much as our loved ones know us, we still need to communicate our expectations," Smith said. "Then they have a better understanding of how you want to be treated, and they can let you know if it is something they can do."