Parents, enough with gifts on flights: Here's who deserves a present | Cruising Altitude

It’s giving season, and the expectations for gifts are all over the place. Who is on the list and who is out? I’m not here to tell you if you need to give gifts to your doorman, your mail carrier or the lady who paints your nails (actually, why not? You should, or at least a little bonus money). But what I want to talk about is who you should and shouldn’t give gifts to when you fly during the holidays or any other time of year.

Two trends that get written about all the time are giving tokens of appreciation to your flight attendants and goodie bags that parents sometimes pass out as a preemptive apology in the event their young kids are fussy.

These two categories are not created equal. Here's what's in and what's out.

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In: Flight attendant gifts

Flight attendants have a tough job, especially during the holidays when airports are crowded and travelers are extra stressed. And passengers have been more poorly behaved than usual in recent years, which makes the cabin crew’s job even more trying.

“It feels nice to be appreciated, our airlines kind of treat us like we’re just a number,” Rich Henderson, one of the writers at Two Guys on a Plane told me. “It gives you that comforting feeling of being appreciated and being valued.”

But you should not expect anything other than a “thank you” in return.

“There’s been a lot of articles recently that say if you give your flight attendant a gift, they’ll treat you better on the plane,” Andrew Henderson, who also writes for the blog and is married to Rich, said. “That’s my hesitation. I wonder what the motives behind it are now.” 

The Hendersons both agreed that if you give something to your flight attendants, it’s important to make sure it’s prepackaged if it’s meant to be consumed.

“We never know what we’re getting in a cookie tin from somebody’s grandmother’s house,” Rich said. “In our minds, that could be a trick.”

Andrew added that non-consumable gifts like hand sanitizer, lotion or even a little first aid kit are great options, too.

“Any travel-type thing like, I’ve seen them at Walmart recently, like a little pouch with a travel fork, knife, spoon and straw in it,” he said. “Anything that says we see that you’re out here, we see that you’re out here.”

I’ll confess I rarely bring gifts for flight attendants when I fly, but that’s because I get anxious about giving it to the right person. I don’t want to give a gift to someone I don’t see again for the entire flight. The Hendersons had good advice on that score, too, suggesting giving it to the crew at the boarding door if you bring enough to share, or waiting to see who’s working your section of the plane if you’re just bringing an individual gift.

Andrew pointed out that some airline policies may prohibit flight attendants from accepting gifts, so travelers shouldn’t take it personally if their gesture is turned down.

And again, don’t do any of this for an upgrade or a free drink.

“Just do it with a kind heart and do it because you want to do it, don’t do it to expect something in return,” Rich said.

If you decide not to bring anything, that's OK, too, but Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg offered some advice of his own during a press conference about holiday travel on Tuesday.

"It would be nice if you could say something nice to the people who are getting you where you're going," he said. "Be nice to them and thank them for what they're doing to get you to your loved ones this holiday season."

Out: Parent goodie bags

No one wants to hear a baby crying for hours, but you know what? We were all babies once and it happens. Babies are allowed to travel just as much as anyone else, and their parents shouldn’t be made to feel bad about exposing their kids to the wider world.

That’s why I think the “I’m sorry my baby is here” goodie bags are silly.

When I flew to England last month for Virgin Atlantic’s sustainable aviation fuel flight, a baby across the aisle from me was fussy for pretty much the whole flight. I popped in my headphones and lived to talk about it.

“Having traveled with babies and toddlers, I believe that parents have way more to do. Getting ready for a trip is nerve-wracking enough,” Baby Can Travel blog founder Celine Brewer told me. “I don’t believe that other adults on the plane should have this expectation that they’re being inconvenienced by sharing this space with a baby.” 

I’m with Brewer. If we all got rewarded for every minor inconvenience or annoyance, we’d be sitting on a pile of meaningless trophies all the time.

Brewer suggests parents of very young children should consider doing the cool thing and giving a gift to the flight attendant who is taking care of them instead.

“If you’re going through the effort and you feel like you want to do something nice for somebody, the flight attendants are, in my experience, the best help on the plane. They are your number one ally,” she said. “If someone offers you help, don’t be afraid to take it.” 

She also said there are a few things parents of any age can do to help travel go smoother, and it all comes down to attitude.

“Babies can read your energy as well. Try to not stress, try to not stress about the other people on the plane. Try to focus on your baby,” she said.

And parents of older kids can just help with a friendly face.

“When you become a pro at flying, make sure you offer that reassuring smile to a new parent,” Brewer said.

And with that, I wish you all the best for the holidays. Cruising Altitude will return in 2024. Please use the form below to let me know what topics you’d like to see covered in the new year.

Zach Wichter is a travel reporter for USA TODAY based in New York. You can reach him at zwichter@usatoday.com